Thoughts

I'm thinking while blogging *sigh*

I have so many thoughts in my mind that i just wanted to scream it out but not loud.
can i do that? i'm scared.
scared till my whole body like turning into cold one
and my stomach full of butterflies.
There's so many stuff linger on my mind that i want it to happen!
i want it to happen now and just stuck there and let the time freeze.
While i'm enjoying the moment of mine to myself.
i am being silly here with such an endless imagination that i kept for myself
Which maybe it's just going to be my imagination for the rest of my life.
Am i satisfied with what i had in my life now?
no. not really. i'm not hating it neither do i loving it.
It sucks.
i am confused with this whole thing and this whole situation.
I don't know what else should i do or say.
my life now for me is very complicated on my point of view
And i hated it soo much!
every minute all i wanted is the time when i close my eyes and linger in my own dream
With my beautiful imagination.
that's only the time when i felt so calm and peace and smile? there's always on my face.
I couldn't talk to anybody about this. i don't want to.
Nobody will understand.

I guess all i've wanted is..........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

nobody know. not even me. i know but i don't know how to make it happen and i'm not sure about it.

I felt so useless and stupid.

I am helpless now.

p/s : i wanted to buy the whole set of Twilight novels. where can i find it?