Wednesday, December 28

Did you watch?

After the show finish on starworld i straightly on my lappy and googled about them. i'm talking about The Bachelorette season 7 on star world!! did any of you ever watch it? i know i've been a big fan of this kind on show teeeheee! big big fan!

Maybe i sound unreal here but for me they were the best couple since the show started. why love them so much? Ashley is someone who is very goofy and fun, for Jp's character he's like any girl would want a man like that with them! seriously.

By watching this i think i get some resolution about my current situation with my other half in our marriage life. to be honest we are on the rock right now and it does frustrated me big time! so after watching this i get some point that thats the one thing or reason why i married my other half but the only problem is he's not he used to me anymore. i did cry watching this because everything that i saw on the show its like i didn't get to feel it anymore.

You can say that 'what's on tv wasn't real thing' and i'm just being stupid or silly here but to be honest it does gave me an impact, because i can relate to the show that you want your relationship to be such a way. and by seeing Jp's character i realized that my other half used to be like that and it make me so so so sad just by thinking about it.

How can i compare my other half with Jp? i am watching this show together with my aunt all the time and we always asking question to each other about the guys in the show, so when i said i really like to see Jp straightly my aunt laugh out loud and said "i knew it that you're gonna like him because your other half was like him", well not on the physical way lah except his bald head. my aunt said kinda like an officer like police etc. and that is my other half job actually, so it is so funny to think and comparing. but i strictly object what my aunt said about my other half because he's not like that anymore!

Right now my mind is busy thinking how i'm going to work this problem out between the two of us! i never talk about our problem here on my blog, but right i am seriously confuse and scared just to think about it. i really need help! i did talk about it to my family but for them it is just a small matter and there's no need to make it a big deal, so i'm kinda disappointed about it. so i just tell myself "they can say like that because they're not on your feet, you've been facing this for years already and you've got to make your own decision and just ignore what they going to say".

But until now i'm still scared to make a decision. i don't know what else to do or say.

Sunday, December 25

Who you are back then...

I just wanna say that my christmas weekend kinda suck, so i hope your christmas would be a blast.

Anyway as my title said above, yes i am referring to a person. and not to forget a reminder for myself too. i will call this 'person' Nicole, easier for me to tell the story here.

Way back then Nicole is a very simple, innocent, bubbly and humble girl. the day i got to know her better i think she was only 12 years old. one personality that i really like about her too she's someone that you can ask for help, just anything and she'll do it without any complaint or disagreement.

When she was 13 years old her parents sent her to a highschool at her hometown. so Nicole have to live with her grandma, her uncle and her uncle's fiance. maybe for a better environment for her. so there, at Nicole's relative's house she's still the same girl except one thing that her grandma really get annoyed with her, she's not really a neat-person. her stuff will be everywhere, especially on her room's floor. messy girl they called her. Nicole's grandma have to remind her again and again to do this and that so she can maybe change her attitude but it does not work well at all. but for me it's ok because its a teenagers thing for being that kind of attitude.

For almost 3 years she stayed there with them, she's kinda a little miss sunshine to them. everybody likes to be with her. she's still with her 'then' attitude, which is good and people like it. so as she grew up becoming a much 'older' teenager perhaps, she moved back to where she belong, a place before Nicole moved to her hometown. i have no idea why she decided to move to other school, i think it is because a pressure by her cousin and her aunt.

Studying at new school requires Nicole to ride public transport from her house. so because of that her aunt willingly agreed to sent and fetch her at school but Nicole need to stay at her aunt house so that its easier for her aunt situation. Nicole's aunt is living a luxurious life with her small children, so by staying there made Nicole's other relatives thought that it was a good idea.

For a few years she was in an okay position. she's still a funny girl that probably you wanna drag her with you all the time. anything that you ask her to help you or just anything, you can count on her. until the day come which is she's gonna finish her study at her school... meaning that she's graduating from highschool.

So Nicole been living with her rich aunt for a few years already, and its good that she get to enjoy all the luxurious from her aunt. Now that she's 18 years old, they've been going to church regularly and study the bible regularly, hanging out with this church people almost everyday which really totally made Nicole a different girl besides all the luxurious life she had. What changes?

Well she's not the Nicole that used to be back then. it's getting harder to talk to her now because she now know how to talk back to you, she don't accept any upbuilding comment for her, she's become such a lazy girl and its hard for you to ask for help from her, she will say no if she don't wanna do it with a loud annoying voice, she will just talk to you anything that she wants without thinking what other people would feel, she will say unkind word about other people that she don't like, she's a closed minded person, always look down on others.... well overall she's a spoil brat.

But nobody ever tell her that! not even her aunt wanna tell her, her aunt was well aware about Nicole's attitude but she just let her be that way. so there you go a spoil brat is born.

If only i could tell on her face how stupid her attitude is. well one day. maybe next year. because i think she should know.

Wednesday, December 14

Monday, December 12

Swing my soul

Have you seen Agnes Monica 'kinda' new video called Rindu ? i LOVE it!!! its natural.

I'm in the mood for some nice jazzy ballad swing tune for my soul. ^^ aiseh!

Oh i'm downloading Yuna's tune also. i really need more suggestion on her music for me to download, who knows? have you heard Lana Del Rey song on Mtv Push? LOVE it too. she's so pretty!

* i have lots to talk about actually here in my blog but i don't know where to start. i will get to it soon. i need to organize my mind first.

Friday, December 2

Tips please

What would you do when you're feeling very angry or very irritate at something or someone? beside yelling or scolding.

Well i really need some advise or tips from you, because for me when it is out of my control already or i can't stand or can't cope with it anymore i really need something to cheer me just a lil bit. like the picture above really made me smile after being so so so angry just now.

It's December already. Do tell me how.


Thursday, November 24


I gotta admit that i am not a long-journey-kinda-person anymore. today me and Dania went back to kk along with my uncle, this was my third ride, i mean third time of a long-ride by car and i must say that i suck. i used to be just fine inside the car even for 12 long hours journey but now i get dizzy and nausea easily!

Baking mojo :

Cheesecake chocolate art cake ^^

Sunday, November 20

Weekend drama

This weekend definitely a crazy one for me.

We were busy helping my aunt clean her new house and we had to find furniture for it and stuff for the house. I had fun doing it with them but the un-fun one is Dania were being an absolutely terrible two! definitely has cross my patient boundaries if i may say. she will cry and cry and cry only. if there'a one thing that she want that you can't say 'yes' she will start crying which really is not my favorite sound now! even going to the shop i have to carry her the whole time!

Until i have to ask my hubby to take care of her for awhile because i was way too tired already with all the chaos. i need some me time for awhile so that i can do anything easily.

So today i had a good afternoon nap since the weather was so perfect for a nap. i had the bed and the pillow all by myself together with the ipod ^^ so now i am feeling a lil energetic already and ready for baking! Yayy!!

Wednesday, November 16

I wanna...

Oh how i feel like i wanna be alone. Just me myself and i staring at the scenery like above picture at my little balcony swinging with a jazzy music like Yuna's or Colbie Caillat's or Bruno Mars's...

i know its weird to feel that way. i don't why, but maybe there's too much going on in my life these days and sometimes you just wanna runaway from it and just be alone. alone means quiet blissful time just for you without any noises or voices!

Alone when you have the bed all to yourself where you can snuggle, stretch and sleep freely with your soft pillow and silky blanket sitting on the couch watching your favorite tv show by yourself without anybody disturb you. don't you ever feel that way? like free from everything. i know i do right now -_-

Maybe some little time alone for me to think about life and what's important. a time where i will jot down just anything on my little notebook, anything that maybe inspired me. A time where i can keep on browsing and browsing on pinterest and forget about facebooking.

Oh and one thing with a cup of hot vanilla latte and freshly baked scones on the table. What A Bliss!!!

Now.... when can i have all that? impossible.

Note : things that have been stolen by xxxx, my lacey cotton panty (LOL) and my olay cleanser. this is so ridiculous!

Sunday, November 13

Her first

Some random stuff about my lil Dania.

This is Dania waiting for us to go inside the bus, i kinda felt pity for her at that time (just by looking at her confused face,have no idea what her mummy actually doing at that kind of place with so many people), something like emotional feeling. because as a mother you really want to give just the best in every single thing for your child and here my thought was like she still small and shouldn't be riding public transportation like this -_-,
i know i sound weird and unrealistic but that's how i feel that time.

This was when we were inside the bus already. and at the beginning as we entered the bus's door she cried and wanted to go outside. maybe she scared to be inside a space like that kan, and i started to feel scared too. i'm scared if she will be cranky or maybe crying during the whole journey, but luckily she's not! and i think she did enjoy herself, well since there's other children too inside the bus so she feels okay after seeing them.

This is her first ever Barbie! yes she's now have so much interest on Barbie and princesses. girly girl stuff. she even wore my knee-length pink skirt almost everyday. she love the skirt because when she wear the skirt it is long until touch the floor, so kinda like the barbie and princesses dress lah. if only i still have my old barbie doll that i can give to her, last time i have almost 10 of them because barbie price nowadays is not cheap like last time.

Here it was her first time doing this. i mean arranging stuff. like in the picture nowadays she likes to arrange the ABC letter but not in correct order. now Dania can remember & sing some of the ABC letter in order already but not every letter yet.

Now she know how to tell me that she wanna drink milk bottle already. i mean she develop an interest to drink it and she will ask me anytime she wants for it. but still the BF still on -_-

And last but not least everyday Dania will remind me to give her the spirulina. and she even bite it just like that! without any water! do you ever smell and try spirulina? it was disgusting (but healthy) and smells like turtle's food ^^ seriously baby will eat and bite it just like that without feeling yucky at all. just look at Dania's mouth and teeth ^^ bagus juga oh kan!

Anyway me and Dania was strike with high fever recently and we just recovered from it. it was a scary experience for me when comes to Dania part the other day. now i'm still a lil bit weak and just a little thought out of my head just now :

"when i'm sick i feel like ugly betty"

Friday, November 4

Irritated !!

I am back in keningau already. Me, Dania and my grandmother ride the big bus together (will blog about it soon coz it was Dania's first time riding a bus).

Anyway i was hoping that when i come back here that everything will go smoothly and there's nothing to worry about anymore but i was so totally wrong! infact i think this is the worst ever!!! lau di fikir memang bikin gila and sangat menggeramkan!

What i meant here is that i was hoping that every single bill (our own & the bills that we share with the inlaw) are settle already and all we have to worry is to buy our everyday groceries lah, sekali nya tebalik! only 1 thing that have been paid which is our car ccm and the rest? not yet! and now all their money is gone! how stupid is that?

One thing that really pissed me off madly is they go and do and buy things that not important than the bills yang tertunggak! and ofcourse the budget for the groceries. c hubby sent the car to the workshop and he didn't even tell me about it and others give their money to the boyfriend (idiots!) and the rest of the money i don't know where they put!!!

For me their act is totally ridiculous and unthinkable! is it that hard for you to set aside all the bills money then go and settle it to the bank or whatever then only you go and buy your needs and maybe unimportant things than the bills yang akan tertunggak!

I am going crazy already just thinking about the money that gone just like that and have no idea p mana semua that money! c hubby pun satu, just two weeks i'm in kk and there goes the money. in kk i was seriously bugetting my pocket money (buy the important things only) even going back here i still have the balance, tapi dia?-_-'

I don't know already how to handle this matter. if our own money maybe i still can control and tell strictly to hubby about using it but if to tell to the inlaw about MUST pay the bills on time is hard. and i don't know how to tell to them already, even if hubby tried to ask for the bills money there will be excuses that totally ridiculous for me! seriously i am so mad and irritating at them!!

Another story again about this person that live just close to our house (i bloged about her before this actually). this person also make me so angry, why? well if this is the first time they did this i don't mind.... maybe they really need it BUT this time i don't know how many times already they did this and i can't take it anymore. hubby's grandma always helped us when it comes to money problem. but she's not living with us, so everytime she want to give us some extra money she have to ask hubby's brother (the one that living the house near to us) to hand over the money to hubby. and this is the craziest part, they never ever hand over the money!!! they took the money for themselves! this happened so many times already!! punya teruk to perangai begitu kan! betul2 muka tembok.

If only i can tell at their faces how extremely stupid their attitude is! All of them!!

And because all this i want and really really wish that we could stay at our own house! where the rule is rule and nothing to worry about. how can i do this? i need help!

Yesterday i talk to hubby about this matter until i felt like i wanna cry, tears started coming out because i don't wanna live like this! this is not how i want our life to be after moving back here from tawau. to tell the truth life at tawau was much more easier eventhough we are far from our family!!

Wednesday, November 2

November thought

...... and i will try just to go with the flow wherever you will take me.

There's no point being a hard-headed person because there's no happiness i guess. BUT i will not forgive or forget yet.

So yes, lets break up!

Happy November ^^

Monday, October 31

Our weekend & Kasih Sayang

So our weekend started off with a girls party - we did manicure pedicure and girl's food (wah! adaka?) hehee , organized by my cousin Sheila then we had family dinner and also we went to Kasih Sayang again. It was fun but this time i am so damn tired ^^

Part that i loved the most is met my family member and some other friend. socializing with them, eat and enjoy every moment with them was the nicest thing.

Here's some photo i took using my wave. i didn't edit any of the scenery picture, just add watermark. it wasn't that nice, i know -_-

At Kasih Sayang the sunset that time wasn't that beautiful because of the thick cloud, so i can say that it's a waste. but during night time all the lights are pretty and the moon was on crescent shape ^.^ and the fire fly was all over the place.

I couldn't take any photo during night time because i was too busy handling lil Dania. now she is being a very terrible two! seriously her naughtiness is way over the top. any-hooo i will blog about it soon, i have to.

Have a nice weekdays ahead you guys! i hope mine will be great -_-

Thursday, October 27

It's been a long time...

........................... since we camwhoring!

Like my aunt said last time before we get married almost everyday we will take picture of ourselves ^^ but the after get married (what more after 1 kid) camwhoring didn't even appear a slight in our mind. not anymore. so it means that we're getting old! LOL!!!

For it's true in some people. same goes to myself lah ni. feeling old maka baru 24, adui.... so setelah sekian lamanya didn't do any camwhoring yang kita SS sndri hehee so whenever i tried to take a picture of myself smiling at the hp camera with a silly feeling, the result of the picture was a disaster i tell you!

But today i have this determination konon to take some nice picture of ourselves (me, my cousin and Dania) while going out to suria hehee!! as the picture above shown we've succeeded!! nah that's my new haircut konon ^.^

which is.... do try nice picture of yourself once in a while hehee!!

Tuesday, October 25

My eye candy

Henry Golding
(photo source for his facebook and google)

......................... or maybe my heart candy !! ^.^

Hahahaa! Just kidding. his smile and hair really blew me away, hmm or melted me ^.^ hehee!

Sunday, October 23

Her eyes

Dania kinda freak me out lately. i think she can see something that some of us can't see. what i mean is ghost! yes seriously, i realized this started to happen since we moved to keningau on July.

I don't know why she able to see those thing but definitely make me so mad! but i'm not scared, you've gotta pray about it though ^^ Sudah lah the place that we always visit which is my uncle's house and my family housing area at kg.lingkudau have all kind of spirit (mengikut kata orang yang pandai tengok la konon) and i mean ALOT. i'm not 100% believe in it but there's satan and his demons all around us right so they like to disturb kids.

Plus again since moving there we always watched ghost movie so for me that's why Dania started to see things. there's one day me and Dania were watching zombie kampung pisang (comedy ghost story) and she asked me what is that while pointing at the zombie so i told her that's Momo' (sometimes we use this kampung word referring as the ghost). so i think she remembered how it looks like, white face.. messy hair... weird shirt etc. and after that we did watched other ghost movie while Dania is with us so there goes the brain cell ^^ i think it's our fault to let her watch those kind of movie -_-

So i think satan know that Dania recognize those scary faces and maybe they decide to show them to her, to test her or to disturb her. that's just my believe. there's few incident actually where she will suddenly get scared and said momo' or monster. yes i think she seen a monster before hehe^^ just like in the cartoon Monster Inc. sometimes she will just said momo' without feeling scared.

Now everytime we want to go to bed i will switch off the light and that really scared her. she even cry! and i was soooo angry that time, not to Dania. i have a cousin (girl) and she can see things since she was 1 i think and when she started to see those things she not scared because still clueless about scary things kan but as she get older she started to get really really scared. because she can see it like 24/7 but now she's 7 years old and she stop seeing it already.

i'm worried if Dania will be just like her -_-'

I will never ever again watch ghost movie nor try to scared her with the word momo'.

Saturday, October 22

No more

Yayy there's no more curly-super long-frizzy hair for me!!!

Yes! i cut my hair last Wednesday and i'm loving it. for now ^^ cause itu pun if kena blow, so i have to do it if i want it to look nicer cause there's still a lil bit of curl at the end of it. okay the picture above just showing you about hair ^^ and the fringe is kinda like mine *wink2* but her's is better la -_-
I haven't got any chance to snap my new hair, always forgot.

Just now we went to a place called Kasih Sayang (Jalan Kokol). and i am so in love with that place! it's on top of a beautiful hill. we were there just about the sunset ending but still it was a beautiful evening scenery! all the colorful light plus cool wind (macam di ranau) plus good food tapi mahal!

i didn't take any photo cause there's too many people in our table so i was kinda embarrass with our italian & english friends hehee lagipun that time dark already so using a hp camera sia-sia saja. but we'll be going there again next sunday and i will take a lovely (hopefully) pictures for me to post here and a remembrance. Can't wait! ^^

Overall this was a lovely great saturday!! ^^

Thursday, October 20

Grandma story

Since here in kk at my aunt place we've been busy going out, but today cuti dari jalan hehe, penat oh apa lagi when you have few kids following you. only a mothers know.

Actually i wanna talk about my grandma's attitude nowadays. i just felt kinda weird with her drastic change, well macam orang slalu cakap..."besalah budak-budak punya perangai" but this phrase referring to any kids kan but lau orang tu "besalah tu sudah tua kan makin macam budak-budak" haahahaa!! it's true lah.

This is something funny but very irritating to us. for some of my family member who is not always around with my grandmother memang sure wont get it. what did she do?

First of all she likes to complaint every single silly thing that she not satisfied kemahuan dia! sometimes she can be a pain in the ass bah! likes to use sarcasm again. ofcourse sometimes it is hurful but i have to set my mind that she's getting old.

Okay it's not that i don't like her ah, i love her, she's my mum's mom. but itulah her attitude bikin geram! hehee.

One thing that i learn about her is never ever tell her any big secret. she's not going to tell anybody lah, but once she know the story already been told to other people then she will start talking about it. and what's worse? she can twist the story! until other people will go and asked you questions that you think the answer is your own thing and your own decision and it's your own damn life!

Second of all ^^ kuat merajuk! adui... and at this point she definitely will use any sarcasm yang terlintas di hati fikiran dia. sometimes if dia tidak puas hati pasal something nah she will start acting weird. like talking to you in a rough way, answer your question dengan tidak ikhlas, and most of all marung lah tu muka! so whenever we see this kind of face or attitude we know there's something that she's not satisfied at all. irritating bah!

And lastly she likes to think negative at other people act! even at small kids, geramnya sa. she always tell other people what he/she did or say without knowing the right story. like accusing lah tu kan. she even wanna make the story become a big matter lagi tu. but for us who know her will just ignore what she said to us. sometimes we have to tell her firmly the truth if she start accusing.

I just wanna give an example lah here k hehehee :

the other day we went to parkson for a little shopping for the kids, and at the counter my stuff i just put together with my aunt's kan so later i pay her back. so after that i went for a seat while my aunt cuci mata lagi,so while waiting suddenly my grandma came to me and she said "inikah baju-baju dorang c bebe & gegirl (my aunt's kids)" and i said "iya sama c dania punya juga", then her face expression suddenly change, and she said "ohh c dania pun ada.... brapa lah ni semua?" so i said "tia tau tu nek". so inside my aunt's car (sa tidak ikut) my aunt told me that my grandma was sooo busy asking this and that about that stuff AGAIN! and the next day she said to me about it AGAIN, "punyalah mahal pula baju-baju dorang c bebe sama dania semalam kan.. 400+ bah", so i was like "ohhh yaka, kualiti bagus bah tu nek, lagipun c aunty ada beli tuk anak kawan dia juga" the she said "ha tuk kawan pun beli yang mahal-mahal juga ka" then after that i ignore her lah ^^

so what i know from that incident she was kinda not satisfied that my aunt help me to pay for dania's shirt and i completely have no idea why!! pedahal sa bayar balik pun and while inside the car when she asked for the total of the stuff pun my aunt did tell her that i will pay her back (just to satisfied her i guess) but still she's acting so so so weird.

Banyak lagi story dia ni but biarlah, i just wanna post here that her attitude definitely has change through out the year, and maybe because of the hormone ka? adui susah juga kan.

do you have any experience like this?

Saturday, October 15


the cake above is to die for!! Caramel cake.

a photo of my two year old



Paris?? ^^ noo.... instead i'm going back to kk this weekend!!

Maybe for two weeks, i just need some new fresh air. away from all the insane things! i just need some space of my own for me to think deeply about the matter.

I had enough of the words and act that hurting me, so me and Dania will begone no matter what!

Monday, October 10

Sleepless night

It definitely has been a hell of a ride for me this week!!

Something has happened that really dissapointed me big time! and this time i can't accept whatever the reason is and i can't forgive about it anymore. i had enough already after all this years. this is not about this women yang accusing me k, different story lagi ni.

Anyway forget about that. my sleepless night...... me and Dania is not feeling well for the whole week. infact Dania cough has been going on for almost amonth already, which make so worried about it! but everytime we visited the doc, he told me nothing to worry about, it's just a normal cough which came from the cold weather we're having here in keningau. well i have to agree about that. but almost amonth bah! until the medicine finish still no change.

and me, i am down with fever, horrible cough and runny nose plus intense headache. wah! teruknya kan, yes it is that bad, luckily c hubby was off for 4 days so there's someone to help me abit on taking care of Dania. i think i'm sick because of the rain the other night when i was about to go home from playing badminton. it was night time and that time was very very cold plus the rain again, bijak kan sa ^^

So itulah my sleepless night, dua-dua sakit... tidur pun tia lena. then with Dania's sleep schedule which make me go crazy, sleep at 8pm then wakeup at 12am then sleep at 3am then wakeup at 11am... so between that hour she did wakeup for nenen!

Well here i would like to take a vow ^^ that i will never go and play badminton again if that time either me or Dania is having a cold flu. and i hope i can keep it up. temping bah!

Thursday, October 6

A change

Dear lovely reader,

I would like to inform you guys that i will change my blog web add. but i still remain my domain (blogspot). i will only change the " Blissmellow ". i would really appreciate and hope that my blog visitor and who always commented on my post can change my blog add to the new one. i will leave my new blog add in your recent blog post soon or you can email me at maybe to ask me for the new add or you can leave your email to me for me to email you back the new add.

Thank You.

- why i didn't just mention the new blog add here? (maybe susah lagi kan mau email2) well because i have my own reason yang sa mau elak. sangat2 ^^

Now it will be just the two of us